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2001-02-13 - 21:14:37 i made mistake. so busy trying not to scare bryan i made the distance greater then needed and failed to communicate my affection for him. which is vast. and now i am feeling doubly bad for failing. thus he has been invited over for the evening and who knows. hopefully i will be able to open my mouth and say something, enough to explain, how i feel. some days i think i'm autistic.(joke) I am absolutly elated and filled to be with him and when i see or touch him or speak to him i feel happy and scared that he'll wake up and realize that he's going out with a somewhat strange inexperienced and altogether clueless (if well intentioned) teenager. *sigh* i have trouble believing i havent been rejected. or that i wont be. simply because i see so many amazing things in him. So if i'm non- communicative its becuase i dont want to say the wrong things and have him wake up and relaize, dont get me wrong though. I have never been this relaxed with anyone. this comfortable. and its scary how much of me wants to just trust him- just hand him my heart and all my feelings and just trust him not to drop them. i really like him, and i need to remeber to let him know. :) -bsg- prior mistakes future mistakes
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