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2001-03-07 - 00:03:10 bsg(4:54 PM): hey like my diary? pooh (4:55 PM): hmm pooh (4:55 PM): whys that bsg(4:55 PM): whys what? bsg(4:55 PM): i asked if you like my diary pooh (4:55 PM): hmm pooh (4:56 PM): when was the last time i read it bsg(4:56 PM): yesterday i think, or the daY BEFORE bsg(4:56 PM): oops pooh (4:56 PM): haha bsg(4:56 PM): ? pooh (4:56 PM): i dont rememeber reading it pooh (4:56 PM): maybe i did it subconciously bsg(4:56 PM): poohbah.resnet.rutgers.edu bsg(4:56 PM): c'est thee? pooh (4:56 PM): yeah, hmm pooh (4:56 PM): so you got a man, that rocks bsg(4:57 PM): i do indeed, been a motn now bsg(4:57 PM): month pooh (4:57 PM): way to go bsg(4:57 PM): how you been? pooh (4:58 PM): ok pooh (4:58 PM): didnt really think you wanted to talk to me bsg(4:58 PM): :P why not? pooh (4:59 PM): shrug pooh (4:59 PM): got anew guy pooh (4:59 PM): we pissed each other of a whole lot bsg(4:59 PM): eh i forget being mad at anyone after 10 minutes and miss them its prety pathetic bsg(4:59 PM): Mar 04 19:35:41 poohbah.resnet.rutgers.edu Win 2000 MSIE 5.x pooh (5:00 PM): nice pooh (5:00 PM): when did i read that before you? bsg(5:00 PM): huh? pooh (5:00 PM): i mean pooh (5:00 PM): i dont remember erading that in like a month pooh (5:00 PM): but i may be wrong bsg(5:00 PM): sorry pooh (5:00 PM): its alright pooh (5:00 PM): what are you sorry for bsg(5:01 PM): bc you dont remeber :P bsg(5:01 PM): i am in a good mood bsg(5:01 PM): anyways tho bsg(5:01 PM): how are you? pooh (5:02 PM): im ok pooh (5:02 PM): im still kinda mad at you i think pooh (5:02 PM): maybe hurt bsg(5:02 PM): ok. should i go away. bsg(5:02 PM): ? pooh (5:02 PM): nah not yet pooh (5:02 PM): i have animosity towards you cuz i liked mindy, i dunno why bsg(5:02 PM): oh geez pooh (5:02 PM): and she didnt like me pooh (5:02 PM): yeah, wacky stuff bsg(5:02 PM): no bsg(5:02 PM): i get that a lot bsg(5:03 PM): she tried to get bryan ya know bsg(5:03 PM): i dont know why but he resisted bsg(5:03 PM): and stuck with me bsg(5:03 PM): and now she;s going out with his friend john pooh (5:03 PM): whatever pooh (5:03 PM): i mean bsg(5:03 PM): i'm not mindy, i never iwll be, i dont WANT to be i dont like everyhting baouther pooh (5:03 PM): i dont like her as a person pooh (5:03 PM): i just think shes cute bsg(5:03 PM): i wanted you guys to be happy but she said ti wasnt gonna happen pooh (5:05 PM): ishrug pooh (5:05 PM): i still wanted her body bsg(5:05 PM): i'm sorry then. pooh (5:06 PM): yeah pooh (5:06 PM): then i really liked you pooh (5:06 PM): but i dunno what happened pooh (5:06 PM): maybe body chemistries werent right that day pooh (5:06 PM): and i was a hornball, you werent pooh (5:07 PM): then you wouldn't wanna come out with me, that hurt me. pooh (5:07 PM): then w/ ur shitty roommate, it was the final straw, ya know? bsg(5:07 PM): no, i dont really pooh (5:09 PM): what d you mean bsg(5:10 PM): like- i liked you- i was just not really in the mood to be just a toy you ignored ewhen somone else caught your eye bsg(5:10 PM): ya know? pooh (5:11 PM): yeah i dig pooh (5:11 PM): thats cool pooh (5:11 PM): turns out i got real depressed recently pooh (5:11 PM): all my friends dissed me pooh (5:11 PM): its pretty bad pooh (5:12 PM): well-i dont stalk you bsg(5:12 PM): s'ok pooh (5:13 PM): shrug pooh (5:13 PM): anyhow pooh (5:13 PM): yeah, i wanna be ur friend, but im still pissed pooh (5:13 PM): i guess somehow you really hurt me, and so did ur roommate bsg(5:14 PM): i did??!! pooh (5:14 PM): yah bsg(5:15 PM): how? bsg(5:15 PM): and bsg(5:15 PM): i'm sorry. pooh (5:15 PM): shrug pooh (5:15 PM): i feel weird about you pooh (5:16 PM): i mean i really liked you pooh (5:16 PM): like LIKED you .. almost love i guess....i really cared about you, and when you didnt wanna go to on the border wit hme it just struck a chord bsg(5:16 PM): you really fucked it up then because you had me- bsg(5:16 PM): and then i got pastthe mindy thiog bsg(5:16 PM): and you did it again pooh (5:16 PM): i fucked nothing. pooh (5:17 PM): you were anti-me that entire night bsg(5:17 PM): i'm sorry. pooh (5:17 PM): what am i supposed to do, bend over and take it? bsg(5:17 PM): no pooh (5:17 PM): i get fucked over all the time, and im sick and tired of having to put up with that bsg(5:18 PM): i'm sorry bsg(5:18 PM): i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry pooh (5:19 PM): well, it seems like you're trying to blame this whole thing on me when its both our faulkts pooh (5:19 PM): and that hurts me pooh (5:19 PM): maybe im being a wussie bsg(5:19 PM): no i know its my fault pooh (5:19 PM): but whatever bsg(5:20 PM): its just i see how i reacted and why and iaccpet that bsg(5:20 PM): and i see how you reacted and idont understand it all- becuase i am not you and i cant - so its just how it appears to me pooh (5:20 PM): hmm pooh (5:21 PM): i mean i still like you, and im pissed now cuz i cant have you bsg(5:21 PM): oh please- you bsg(5:21 PM): d like bryan bsg(5:21 PM): he's an awsome dude bsg(5:21 PM): just turned 23 pooh (5:21 PM): i probably wouldn't pooh (5:21 PM): the whole competition thing bsg(5:21 PM): if you didint know him throught me pooh (5:22 PM): yup bsg(5:22 PM): but see my feeling is if i wasnt with him , if someone else didnt pay attention to me, youwouldnt either pooh (5:22 PM): hmm pooh (5:22 PM): you think? pooh (5:22 PM): i think i didnt say anything because you didnt say anything back pooh (5:22 PM): when you treated me liek that, i figured it was over bsg(5:22 PM): i undertsand that now, but thats not how i was reacting. bsg(5:23 PM): everyone needs to be treated decently bsg(5:23 PM): and kindly bsg(5:23 PM): and i like being nice to you pooh (5:23 PM): yeah pooh (5:23 PM): but im fuckin lonely, and it pisses me off that i had you and now i cant bsg(5:24 PM): yeah when you had me you looked everywhere else tho ya know? you saw mindy and diane and meredith so if you had me it wouldnt be enuogh pooh (5:24 PM): holdon pooh (5:24 PM): i wanted your roommates/ pooh (5:24 PM): i wanted someone to eat with pooh (5:24 PM): you wouldn't come pooh (5:24 PM): so i asked your roommate. pooh (5:24 PM): what am i supposed to do pooh (5:24 PM): go by myself/ bsg(5:24 PM): i tried to explain that eating out i something i tend not to do. bsg(5:24 PM): i have issues. pooh (5:25 PM): i don't remember this at all bsg(5:25 PM): i understand you wanted to eat out bsg(5:25 PM): but i had reasons, i wasnt being a bitch pooh (5:25 PM): you never told me you had reasons pooh (5:25 PM): or, i dont remember pooh (5:25 PM): and i pretty vividly remember that night bsg(5:25 PM): if you assumed i was being a bitch i wasnt about to disillusion you pooh (5:26 PM): then you obviously didnt care about me bsg(5:26 PM): i cared enough to miss you. bsg(5:26 PM): and be sad you thought of me that way bsg(5:26 PM): but pooh (5:27 PM): but not enough to try to tell me i was wrong bsg(5:27 PM): exactly. bsg(5:27 PM): i dont tel lmidny she wrong to hit on a guy i like pooh (5:27 PM): why not pooh (5:27 PM): tell her pooh (5:27 PM): dont hide urself bsg(5:27 PM): i dont tell my roomate she;s wrong to be racist or homphobic pooh (5:27 PM): what if she doesnt know! pooh (5:27 PM): you KNEW i liked you pooh (5:27 PM): you KNEW i was nuts about you pooh (5:27 PM): if you would have brougth these issues up with me pooh (5:28 PM): shit would be different bsg(5:28 PM): i'm sorry. bsg(5:28 PM): i prefer tot ake blame then to be myself bsg(5:28 PM): i accept it pooh (5:28 PM): i mean bsg(5:28 PM): it IS my fault pooh (5:29 PM): whatever pooh (5:29 PM): im still really depressed pooh (5:29 PM): my friends are all gone bsg(5:29 PM): why? pooh (5:29 PM): what the hell am i gonna do pooh (5:29 PM): cuz i liked you a lot bsg(5:29 PM): come on pooh (5:29 PM): what bsg(5:30 PM): your friends are NOT gone ebcuase you liked me a lot. pooh (5:30 PM): i wasn't "looking for more" pooh (5:30 PM): Bullshit bsg(5:30 PM): i really am confused now pooh (5:30 PM): my friends are gone cuz i got real depressed and they said fuck that bsg(5:30 PM): some friends pooh (5:30 PM): obviously they weren't good friend pooh (5:30 PM): well there ya go bsg(5:30 PM): ugh bsg(5:30 PM): i'm still your friend pooh (5:31 PM): ok bsg(5:31 PM): i'm a crappy riend right now though. bsg(5:31 PM): and bsg(5:31 PM): i'v kinda been meanto you it seems bsg(5:31 PM): so you can be mad atme still bsg(5:31 PM): i understand pooh (5:32 PM): whatever pooh (5:32 PM): i really liked you pooh (5:32 PM): i wanted to be with you pooh (5:32 PM): i wanted to get really close, like personally not physically pooh (5:32 PM): and you tossed that away and blame it on me "wanting your rooomates" bsg(5:32 PM): stuff happens pooh (5:32 PM): what am i supposed to say to that bsg(5:32 PM): and i fuck stuff up bsg(5:33 PM): becuase go through priod when i trust no one bsg(5:33 PM): and it wasnt your fault bsg(5:33 PM): what else do you need to hear? pooh (5:33 PM): well pooh (5:33 PM): nothing now pooh (5:33 PM): im fuckin bummed as hell now bsg(5:33 PM): hmmmm bsg(5:33 PM): you're a fun dude pooh (5:34 PM): what pooh (5:34 PM): how am i supposed to be fun bsg(5:34 PM): i may see if you wold like a friend of mine pooh (5:34 PM): no pooh (5:34 PM): i dont want a friend of yours pooh (5:34 PM): not any more pooh (5:34 PM): i dont want you to try to fix stuff, or anything like that bsg(5:34 PM): i have to bsg(5:34 PM): i fucked it up pooh (5:34 PM): cuz you're gonna say pooh (5:34 PM): "oh look you wanted my friend OH HO HO" bsg(5:34 PM): i'm gonna say nothing pooh (5:34 PM): thats a lie. bsg(5:34 PM): i dont want anything more then what i ahve right now pooh (5:34 PM): you OFFERED for me to hang out with your roommate bsg(5:34 PM): it scares me pooh (5:35 PM): fuck you, you're giivng me charity/ bsg(5:35 PM): i am an emotional masochist bsg(5:35 PM): i mak emuyself do things to hurt myself! pooh (5:35 PM): thats great bsg(5:35 PM): right now bsg(5:35 PM): 'm happy pooh (5:35 PM): fantastic as they say bsg(5:35 PM): and i think bsg(5:35 PM): the leasti can do as a friend bsg(5:35 PM): is talkt o you and explain bsg(5:35 PM): how its not your fault bsg(5:36 PM): and try andbe a friend to you pooh (5:36 PM): yeah bsg(5:36 PM): a friend will try an dmake connections pooh (5:36 PM): i still have those feelings bsg(5:36 PM): with no future repercusiions bsg(5:36 PM): dude pooh (5:36 PM): you keep changing the names bsg(5:36 PM): ? bsg(5:37 PM): you can make me some big evil bitch or you can accept me as one somehwat fucked up an dumb chick pooh (5:37 PM): but its still a god damn charity, like "oh i used you to keep me sane sometimes but oops dont need you now here have some bitch" bsg(5:37 PM): no bsg(5:37 PM): here bsg(5:37 PM): you misunderstand me pooh (5:37 PM): ok pooh (5:38 PM): whats up then pooh (5:39 PM): yo? bsg(5:39 PM): i am trying to at least give you me to blame for the past, maybe still be your friend, pooh (5:40 PM): you're trying to make yourself feel better by belittling me bsg(5:40 PM): no pooh (5:40 PM): its the typical thing i go through with most girls bsg(5:40 PM): you are a very valuble person bsg(5:40 PM): who i wanted very much pooh (5:40 PM): obviously not if you offered me your roommates pooh (5:40 PM): when you knew full well they would treat me like shit bsg(5:41 PM): no bsg(5:41 PM): i didnt know that bsg(5:41 PM): i wanted you to be happy bsg(5:41 PM): i wanted myself to be unhappy pooh (5:41 PM): you knew i wanted you bsg(5:42 PM): i was not able to accept it at face value then pooh (5:42 PM): are you just saying that? bsg(5:42 PM): i was being fucked over by craig- i trusted no one- pooh (5:43 PM): or are you using that to make yourself feel better? bsg(5:44 PM): brb pooh (5:44 PM): keep talking. bsg(5:45 PM): i know how i felt then - i know i feel differenlt now becuase i am not in the same depressed state as i was bsg(5:45 PM): i dont want to hurt myself thorugh you right now bsg(5:45 PM): so bsg(5:45 PM): i think i can tell you the truth bsg(5:45 PM): becuase it doesnt hurt bsg(5:45 PM): and i think you knew bsg(5:45 PM): that i liked you bsg(5:45 PM): and suhc pooh (5:46 PM): nah pooh (5:46 PM): i knew you wnted to be my friend but thats it bsg(5:46 PM): i thoguht you did pooh (5:46 PM): see pooh (5:46 PM): well its all fucked now bsg(5:46 PM): its a differnt time. its time for us to be friends bsg(5:46 PM): becuase your still cool pooh (5:46 PM): yeah pooh (5:47 PM): its fuckin easy to say bsg(5:47 PM): if you'll put up with me bein insane pooh (5:47 PM): i still wanna hold you and kiss you and stuff but you've got better than me bsg(5:48 PM): this guy is something else dude..... this is the kinda guy i dont meet every day fo the week- and i like him. pooh (5:48 PM): what pooh (5:48 PM): the hell are you talkin about bsg(5:49 PM): if it was someone else i would give serious consideration to ending it bsg(5:49 PM): but this guy- no. pooh (5:49 PM): yeah pooh (5:49 PM): se pooh (5:49 PM): you used me bsg(5:49 PM): i didnt. pooh (5:49 PM): when you were waiting for someone else pooh (5:49 PM): its the same thing. bsg(5:49 PM): i thought it was you pooh (5:49 PM): i mean pooh (5:50 PM): do you get what im saying? you used me when you were depressed or whatever bsg(5:50 PM): i wasnt tyring to though bsg(5:50 PM): i was not consciously planning to be hurt or hurt you pooh (5:51 PM): but you used me..and you know that, you me tthis guy pooh (5:51 PM): and you're like "heyyy...i dont need chris anymore" pooh (5:51 PM): and that's pretty damn dick. bsg(5:51 PM): no bsg(5:51 PM): i didint meet bryan till a lot later bsg(5:51 PM): i wasnt6 looking bsg(5:51 PM): i was hiding actually pooh (5:52 PM): when did you meet him pooh (5:52 PM): you knew him for a month you said bsg(5:53 PM): no i'v been with him for a month, i;vbenn friends with him for about 4 months, but he didnt ask me out till like 5 weeks ago pooh (5:53 PM): see pooh (5:53 PM): you knew. pooh (5:53 PM): 5 weeks. pooh (5:53 PM): thats what pooh (5:54 PM): beggining of jan bsg(5:54 PM): huh? when did we fight? bsg(5:54 PM): in person pooh (5:54 PM): which is pretty soon after we fought bsg(5:54 PM): ? pooh (5:54 PM): mid jan bsg(5:54 PM): so because he asked me out when i was trying to get over you bsg(5:55 PM): thats my fault? pooh (5:55 PM): no bsg(5:55 PM): its not connected in my mind pooh (5:55 PM): im saying im pissed because you USED ME to say somewhat sane pooh (5:55 PM): then when you're done pooh (5:56 PM): you're like "oh lets be friends wahoo" pooh (5:56 PM): when i have all these feelings that OBVIOUSLY are unresolved. pooh (5:56 PM): but you're ok pooh (5:56 PM): without helping me resolve these feelings bsg(5:56 PM): oh yeah bsg(5:56 PM): i IM you bc i dont think about you bsg(5:56 PM): :P pooh (5:56 PM): nono bsg(5:56 PM): you're my friend pooh (5:56 PM): now you IM me bsg(5:56 PM): your stuck with me bsg(5:56 PM): :P pooh (5:56 PM): because you're straight pooh (5:56 PM): you wouldn' thad he been there bsg(5:56 PM): not always, pooh (5:57 PM): now that everything is resolved pooh (5:57 PM): you can IM me pooh (5:57 PM): and thats bullshit. bsg(5:57 PM): which part/ bsg(5:57 PM): ? bsg(5:58 PM): dude bsg(5:58 PM): i have a paper due tomrow bsg(5:58 PM): i havent stared yet bsg(5:58 PM): and an exam tomrlw too pooh (5:58 PM): ok pooh (5:58 PM): this is my fault how/ pooh (5:58 PM): see you're fine bsg(5:58 PM): its not pooh (5:58 PM): you can jus tgo on and work on your shit. bsg(5:59 PM): augh! pooh (5:59 PM): now you fuckin completely brought up bad shit pooh (5:59 PM): and i have shit too, i also go to school. bsg(5:59 PM): chris, you're my friend, i see so many things in you i like, i'm so sorry i was a bitch and if i could fix it i would pooh (5:59 PM): its fucked up pooh (6:00 PM): i mean pooh (6:00 PM): for someone whos so selfless pooh (6:00 PM): you sure did think for yourself for once pooh (6:00 PM): is this bad? for you? no. for me? hell yeah. bsg(6:01 PM): i know who i was suing then and it sure wasnt you. so no matter how you see it i know and accet my actions. and i will talk to tyou later. becuase you're still upset at me and i cant fix it yet pooh (6:02 PM): thats whats weird pooh (6:02 PM): i dont want you to go. pooh (6:02 PM): that still leaves me in a pile of shit pooh (6:02 PM): you do realize im alone, right? bsg(6:02 PM): i'm not realyl going anywehere- you can freakin come here and do your work if it makes you feel better pooh (6:03 PM): freakin/ pooh (6:03 PM): look im gonna do this pooh (6:03 PM): and i know its a mess, but im gonna forget about everything pooh (6:03 PM): alright bsg(6:03 PM): evyerhting? pooh (6:03 PM): you're my friend pooh (6:04 PM): i told myself i would never do that, and im forgetting about everything..all i know is that ur my friend now bsg(6:04 PM): never do thart? pooh (6:04 PM): yeah pooh (6:04 PM): never open myself up like that pooh (6:04 PM): you fucked me over, and im opening up again bsg(6:04 PM): thats what friends are for pooh (6:04 PM): i SHOULD ignore you forever bsg(6:05 PM): they may fuck youover but they give you the oputunity to hurt thme too pooh (6:05 PM): i dont know. pooh (6:05 PM): why were you going to introduce me to someone? bsg(6:06 PM): becuase i honestly think yio'd get along personailty wise- not physically nessecarily bsg(6:06 PM): and i want you to be happier pooh (6:06 PM): who is she? bsg(6:07 PM): her name is megan bsg(6:07 PM): she just turned 21 bsg(6:07 PM): commutes from ghiland park to college ave pooh (6:07 PM): why would she like me? bsg(6:08 PM): sense of humor. plus wit pooh (6:08 PM): i wanted your roommates and mindy pooh (6:08 PM): ? bsg(6:08 PM): this isnt a hook up bsg(6:08 PM): but she;s very cool bsg(6:08 PM): and who couldnt use another friend? pooh (6:09 PM): will she make my eyes tear? pooh (6:09 PM): somoene tried to hook me up with "not a hottie"a pooh (6:09 PM): and she smelled like shit bsg(6:09 PM): i am not trying to hook you up bsg(6:09 PM): she doesnt smeel bsg(6:09 PM): smell bsg(6:09 PM): she's very cool pooh (6:10 PM): ok pooh (6:10 PM): i mean pooh (6:11 PM): just say "i have a friend" bsg(6:12 PM): she is kinda cute pooh (6:12 PM): i mean pooh (6:12 PM): is she chubby? thats fine pooh (6:12 PM): is she missing arms? not so fine to me pooh (6:13 PM): ok whatever, i dont care what she looksl ike bsg(6:13 PM): i asked her to put a pic up on the web pooh (6:13 PM): oh i could be very mean now bsg(6:13 PM): anyway bsg(6:13 PM): please do bsg(6:13 PM): cause hey pooh (6:13 PM): hah bsg(6:13 PM): look at me pooh (6:13 PM): ok pooh (6:13 PM): you did it not me bsg(6:13 PM): yeah i had to do it so youwolnt so i wouldnt cry pooh (6:14 PM): i didnt mean it pooh (6:14 PM): i think you're beautiful pooh (6:14 PM): but whatever bsg(6:15 PM): yeah whatever becuase i dont believe that from ayone. s'ok though- becuase when i say that to you you ont either pooh (6:15 PM): what bsg(6:16 PM): that your cute bsg(6:16 PM): anyway i have one crappy picture of megan pooh (6:16 PM): i believe you pooh (6:16 PM): im god's gift to women pooh (6:17 PM): its fuzzy bsg(6:17 PM): i know pooh (6:17 PM): i bet shed look really nice if she straightened her hair, but i'm not one to judge pooh (6:20 PM): oh pooh (6:20 PM): shrug pooh (6:20 PM): not a hair guy bsg(6:20 PM): s'ok bsg(6:21 PM): now can i write my paper? bsg(6:21 PM): pleeease dude? pooh (6:21 PM): i mean if you want her to im me, do so, whatever pooh (6:21 PM): i'm not stopping you from writing your paper. bsg(6:22 PM): i know i know nothing i do will affect you but in my insane self centered land i worry that you arent happy pooh (6:22 PM): maybe she'll be my best friend pooh (6:22 PM): and ill be so happy i wont worry about you pooh (6:22 PM): would that be good? bsg(6:22 PM): no
bsg(6:22 PM): but it would bsg(6:23 PM): becuase you'dbe happy pooh (6:23 PM): well then have her talk to me bsg(6:23 PM): she doesnt use aim too much pooh (6:23 PM): call her? bsg(6:23 PM): lemme see ok? pooh (6:23 PM): ok pooh (6:23 PM): im still depressed. bsg(6:24 PM): oh bsg(6:24 PM): well bsg(6:24 PM): then bsg(6:24 PM): um pooh (6:24 PM): what bsg(6:24 PM): i dont know pooh (6:24 PM): so have her talk to me pooh (6:24 PM): give her a call before ou start your paper bsg(6:25 PM): i have to be a bit more subtle then that pooh (6:26 PM): why? pooh (6:26 PM): "i got this friend, talk to him" works bsg(6:29 PM): i shall try ok? bsg(6:29 PM): must work now! pooh (6:29 PM): hmm pooh (6:29 PM): i find this funny bsg(6:29 PM): bsg(6:29 PM): dont pooh (6:29 PM): shes depressed, right? bsg(6:29 PM): :P bsg(6:29 PM): nope pooh (6:29 PM): i would have been there for her pooh (6:29 PM): mindy bsg(6:29 PM): oh pooh (6:29 PM): why? i dont get it. bsg(6:29 PM): maybe bsg(6:29 PM): huh? pooh (6:29 PM): why did she treat me like shit if shes so depressed pooh (6:29 PM): oh bsg(6:30 PM): ?? bsg(6:32 PM): ok bsg(6:33 PM): ttyl prior mistakes future mistakes
The past 12 months |