2001-03-12 - 22:26:12

ah ok

to post my recent musings

i have been putting my brain to work on the issues of emotion and romance and relationships and all that mushiness.

but I'm a skeptic. not a cynic- i'm not saying its all bad or anything- i juts don't think people a. know what they want b. recognize what they have or c.actually can offer or recieve what they think they want.

gender steroetypes tell women to want romance and affection and "love". Sexual pleasure is a plus but not the main goal, neither is friendship, trust, or compassion. Women are told their goal is to be some chimera of innocence and maturity. The media often gives them superficial miles posts with which to "score" their relationships, such as rings, restraunts and flowers. ( Remeber i;m not dissing completly- i LIKE flowers) The correct socio boilogical strategy right now for men is to feign asexuality and embrace a very submissive adoring posture. All to the effect of furthering thier sexual conquest becuase "real men get ass". it reminds me of a war where neither side is fighting for what they believe in, and if they only talked they would have peace.

enough on that-

next point:

emotion- Again society has us trained to be searching for some ideal "LOVE" which will complete or fulfill us. thats just not going to happen- worst case scenario here folks- a lot of people end up dying alone. Best case scenario is where you find someone whose life you can share and be part of- helping each other. On average though most of us are going to be disapointed or wrong at least a few times.

What is love? I haven't the first idea. but i know its not as common or as difficult as people think. Thats not an oxymoron either. Love is not being a relationship where you like the other person all the time. Thats close to deluding yourself. Love is caring about someone when you dont like them. Caring whether they hurt, finding out why, refraining from hurting them, accepting them,

it amazes me the more i grow up how BAD people are at caring about each other.

Maybe it disappears, I'm not one to talk- i have hurt people who didnt deserve it- but not wholey intentionally and i tried to lessen and ameliorate the hurt as much as possible. becuase they have to wake up tomorow alone. and so do i.

This ideal "Love"- people act like its something infietly more then tenderness, respect, affection, caring.

I am a huge propontant of tenderness.

and i think that MAY be what all the romance and love seekers really mean. but they can't quite see it. Becuase without respect and civility ie politeness its worthless too. Most of us don't want to drown in mushyness and pink hearts. I think most people just wat to know that they're cared about and tenderness implies that. It also connotes a respect for the body, emotions and general person it is applied to. Tenderly is like gingerly to some extent- you are aware of the boundries and limits of anothers self and you tread softly near them-

back to politeness for a moment- courtsey is underrated right now- it comes from chivalry and it means someone else takes into accoutnt your feelings. Which is a plus.

Here's a random sidetrack-

there's this one kind of kiss hollywood tells us is only supposed to be produced when two people "really love each other" and its not a sexy kiss is a tender one and you can do it no matter what you feel and becuase of its connotations the recipient will FEEL cared for. which if thats your goal is good. but if you don't care you can do it to.

emotion can be shown through action but emotion can be FAKED through action.

Speech and communication will reveal the difference.

You can be physcially intimate with anyone and have your mind anywhere else- having sex with someone else- planning your outfit for tomorow, figuring out a problem from school-

actions DO NOT speak louder then words-

but actions and words together aligned are the most powerful tool one has in showing emotion openly and honestly.

becuase who wants to be lied to?

blech!

so that was me SO RAMBLING and i KNOW i forgot stuff and left stuff out and i doubt it will make much cherent sense to nayone but me and not even to me tomrow but

i feel better now that its not JUST inside my head.

-bsg-

p.s.please don't infer anything about me or my activities from this essay-they arent related at all.

The past 12 months
18 months past
24 months past
36 months past
48 months past