2001-05-22 - 1:39 p.m.

beth- do you think some of your issues stem from your first sexual encounter putting your sexual needs and thoughts dead last? well sure, why not?

do you think that your abomidable record from group activity also contributes? i guess so.

do you think people get bored with you from experience? hell yes.

are you afraid you can only relax enough with people you dont care about? probabaly.

are you even not in near full possesion of yourself? no. even when you arent all awake? even then. even when inebriated? nope- i have never gotten drunk enough- but i'm working on it.

your guilt about somethings stems from your mother you know. I know.

you have two ideas of yourself- the one when you are "bad" amd selfish and do things you feel guolty about. except you arent doing anything bad. you are allowed to not love. you are allowed to move beyond social straightlaced prudishness and be whoever you want.

then there is the self you are who you like. she is much more often you lately. you are greatful but ssomewhat apprehensive as to what will happen when you think you've done soemthing wrong.

you need to relax. and trust someone. instead of making it so you wont ever give no matter what you really are going to have to learn to yield. dont simply make the issues impossible- dont do that to yourself ok?

ok

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