2001-06-28 - 5:12 p.m.

so i got my period so i'm all cramped and uncomfortable. so what?

so i go to the barn and no one's there and all the horses are out. so i fed an apple ot harvey and ellie then one of the ladies who runs the office pulls in nd explains that they "forgot" to call me. they closed the barn becuase a horse who colicked yesterday was put down last night. Chance. she was thrashing around in her stall and hurting herself. so i was sad.

then i came home and robert starts trashing on my moms idea to build teddy a cage to live in. he bashs all her ideas becuase he feels like less of a man becuase she's morew sucessful, i like her better, and she's smarter. this pisses me off to no end and i cant stand him when he starts making my mom take back her ideas or devalue herself. i may not always LIKE her or her ideas but she is a very smart woman and she ( and i have always known this) deserves better then him. i know this hasnt influenced my ideas about men but it has to some extent redueced my belief in love, or marrige or whatever. its like livign alone is better hten being put down. companionship shouldnt reduce you.

whatever.

so i'm pissed an dmy back hurts and i wanted to ride today and i'm just a mess.

I;m too mad at robert to mourn for chnace, too pained to do somehting onstructive.

-bsg-

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