2001-06-29 - 12:19 a.m.

i am only mily insane. i keep editing an entry not realizig no one foes back and reads them. or reads them at all. whatever. the point is right now, friday night (morning?>) at 12:45 am i miss bryan, badly. he was so sweet making me feel better without cheering me up so i could mourn and it just made me want to be near him and smell him and hear his voice and touch hius face and just feel like it is ok. so i'm listening to enya and being an unable to fall asleep person (not the same as insomniac)

hatever.

enya is good sad crying music. N o i havent cried today but i ws close. stupid hormones. i'v said it before i know why i;m being emotionl i just cant help it. i am so sorry if my typing in here is horrific its darkish.

i finished all of balyon 5 season 1

i enjoyed.

"Fallen Embers"

Once, as my heart remember,

all the stars were fallen embers.

Once, when night seemed forever

I was with you.

Once, in the care of morning

in the air was all belonging.

Once, when that day was dawning.

I was with you.

How far we are from morning.

how far are we

and the stars shining through the darkness,

falling in the air.

Once, as the night was leaving

into us our dreams were weaving.

Once, all dreams were worth keeping.

I was with you.

Once, when our hearts were singing,

I was with you.

i am such a wuss, a mushy human being,

its like a lullaby i guess. i'll leave the music playing and try to sleep .

and thuink of bryan. and so on.

this is a song i meant to post lyrics to a while ago:

REACH OUT OF THE DARKNESS

Friend & Lover

I think it's so groovy now

That people are finally getting together

I thinks it's so wonderful and how

That people are finally getting together

Reach out in the darkness

Reach out in the darkness

Reach out in the darkness

And you may find a friend

I knew a man that I did not care for

And then one day this man gave me a call

We sat and talked about things on our mind

And now this man he is a friend of mine

Don't be afraid of love

Don't be afraid, don't be afraid to love

Everybody needs a little love

Everybody needs somebody

That they can be thinking of

NOT FOR MUSHINESS! really. i was trying to sing it to bryan a few weeks ago, the chorus at least because i like the whole think it5s wonderful and all...

oh beth.

thats another thing,.

i am so unused to my name. i feel like a witness protection person with my disunity with my name no one says my name really. i dont say it. i writew it in but not much. ya'll know i was named after my mothers favorite character in a book- a charcter who DIED> how lovely eh?

whatever.

I am beth. but i dont like it too much. makes me think of a short, curvy bouncy chick - always happy and popular- maybe a hceerleader. softball.

wheras I? i play hockey- field hockey . ice hockey (badly) floor hoickey, i ride horses

who knows. who cares.

-bsg- is me.

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