2001-08-09 - 9:48 p.m.

My body betrays me, or

it gives me what my mind wont ask for.

I can resist and deny and be quiet and try and twist my wrists out and evade

I can take only what i claim to want and make believe all the rest doesnt touch me

i can be silent.

mostly silent.

but he lit a candle. and that alone is enough.

then he makes it harder by not making me ask to be safe and his again.

because in between he finds out the truth, what happens when i look unaffected and maybe i really am as distant and nonplussed as i wish i were-

i think thats what makes it worth it in some ways. testing limits i set myself refusing to need or ask

but making it perfectly obvious that we want the same thing.

-bsg-

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