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My Last Thesis Journal

Le Mage Journal

2001-09-13 - 11:20 p.m.

so i dont feel so great.

on the plus side i know why.

but on the other side it doesnt make me feel any better or make me be any nicer or think less upsetting thoughts.

because I dont want to want

or need

i wont let myself

ask

or be helpful when people want to be needed.

i hurt in my body and in my throat where tears start and in my mind where i think about things i dont like about the world and my situation and myself

and i cant stand being a drag or a burden or somehting not good like a chore or domesticity or a task- fuck me. i think i will just go to bed

fuck mudding

fuck the world

let me sleep

alone

-bsg-

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