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2001-09-13 - 11:20 p.m. so i dont feel so great. on the plus side i know why. but on the other side it doesnt make me feel any better or make me be any nicer or think less upsetting thoughts. because I dont want to want or need i wont let myself ask or be helpful when people want to be needed. i hurt in my body and in my throat where tears start and in my mind where i think about things i dont like about the world and my situation and myself and i cant stand being a drag or a burden or somehting not good like a chore or domesticity or a task- fuck me. i think i will just go to bed fuck mudding fuck the world let me sleep alone -bsg- prior mistakes future mistakes
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