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My Last Thesis Journal

Le Mage Journal

2001-10-23 - 10:00 p.m.


K's Choice

DAD

I was a kid, you were my dad

I didn't always understand

I wanted freedom, you got mad

You were concerned, I got upset

I didn't recognize you yet

And did you cry, I know I did

When I lied to you

I didn't want to hurt you

I just never knew I did

You never told me that you loved me

I know you didn't know how

I guess that shows we're much the same

'Cause I love you too and until now

I've never said those words out loud

I hope you're proud

To be my dad...

What are your secrets, do you pray

Is there a god that shows your way

I wish I knew...

Do you have crazy fantasies

What happens in your dreams

I want to know...

I guess you'll always be a mystery to me

But you taught me how to value life

And what else do I need

I have a dad who watches over me


want me to get started?

on the creepiness?

the blame

always the blame

the fear and longing for someone just like me

who i just couldnt touch or remeber or know

jealousy maybe for not having him when they did

but the blame was more i think

and then the sensations

the coincedences

when it stopped being coincedence

when it was

synchronicity.

"Carl Jung believed, a glimpse into the underlying order of the universe? He coined the term synchronicity to describe what he called the "acausal connecting principle" that links mind and matter. He said this underlying connectedness manifests itself through meaningful coincidences that cannot be explained by cause and effect. Such synchronicities occur, he theorized, when a strong need arises in the psyche of an individual. He

described three types that he had observed: the coinciding of a thought or feeling with an outside event; a dream, vision or premonition of something that then happens in the future; and a dream or vision that coincides with an event occurring at a distance. No one has come up with a definition that has superceded his, although there has been debate on whether events linked to precognition and clairvoyance should be included as synchronicity."

like when my high school english teacher was trying to explian this concept (synchronicity) but the book i was reading for the first time randomly picked form the library for its beautiful cover had a definition a paragraph later.

but i mean stuff like that

when i keep getting kicked in thead with something.

right now its Lorraine Hansbury and her Les Blancs, as well as Edward Said's Orientalism.

I dont look for it. it hits me. hard. bruising. stinging.

i'd rather hide in my bed but instead i get it - as if i were not paying enough attention

when i am

appreciating

time now.

just in case.

My father, my identity, my mortality.

My mother, my love, my power.

just in case.

-bsg-

prior mistakes future mistakes


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