2001-12-12 - 8:30 a.m.

"But most of the resistance to becoming involved with a self-admitted playboy has to do with that all-important female perception of being special. It is hard to feel that knowing there are others out there. But there is an answer to this, and finding it has enabled me to feel a deeper sense of connection not only with women but with all the rest of my species. The answer is that everyone is special.

So also is every relationship. The creature that forms between any one person and another is like no other creature in the world. It is theirs and theirs alone. Furthermore, while time and space and attention may be painfully finite, love is not. Love has no quantity to exhaust. It is a quality, a living thing, that grows stronger the more it is felt. The vigorous practice of love expands the heart and opens its apertures to the world. In other words, to love a lot of women, you have to love them, without a trace of bullshit, one woman at a time."

"Not long after that, I experienced the miracle of voluntary monogamy for one brief and blissful period, during which, at the age of forty-six, I did fall in love for the first time in my life. During the year that followed, it was as though there were no other women except in the most abstract sense. I still delighted in the presence of pulchritude, but it was an appreciation as sublime in its detachment as my enjoyment of nature's other wonders. I didn't want to do anything about these beauties, any more than I would want do something about sunsets or Bach fugues. Cynthia was the only woman. But two days before we were to be married, I put her on a plane in Los Angeles and somewhere between there and New York the virus that had been secretly consuming her stopped her heart."

Bullshit.

its when you would rather stay with the one and make them happy then do others. It doesnt mean you don't want to do others. That desire is just not as strong as your desire to be fair. You can want. Fantasies are not crimes. Actions can be unforgivable, unforgettable, unitentional and yet devastating.

So where do I stand?

I stand with my head buried in the sand, warm and ignoring the sand in my eyes and ears and mouth enjoying having the sun heat my ass.

( i know the whole bit makes no sesne, chill)

-bsg-

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