2001-12-17 - 11:25 p.m.

"That must have hurt."

He looked at my breast, and where it was red and angry, where a tight bra had been clawing at my skin all day, and he cared. He saw and cared, and spoke.

I looked in the mirror and I believed I could be beautiful. Then I stepped on the scale felt like a dinosaur. A fat dinosaur.

I am so glad he likes me, likes what I am, what I have, because otherwise I would have to go out and find soemthing for him- someone for him- and then I would be sad.

And he's sick, and I wish he wasn't. I wold like to bring him orange juice and soup, on a tray with some toast, and take his temperature, sleep next to him even when he has a fever and is so hot to touch

and I wrote my second paper today. It'll do. I should get an A. Overall. I expect to do well this semester, assuming I pull my c, c+ in latin. I hope.

and i liked that he said something. And I cant wait till friday so i can get that secret thrill of imaging what he'll like and keeping hidden presents and happiness.

This is not complacency- this is everyday something giving me a thrill- physical, emotional, intelectual

No matter what, we will have this. we can go any way alone and be able to say someone found me worthy, someone thought I was enough. and we are better for it.

-bsg-

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