2002-02-26 - 12:36 p.m.

"Yesterday, I took most of the day off from work and chores and stuff and read an entire book, and it got later and later and later and I couldn't stop reading it even though I had to get up early this morning to go to the bank, and I finished the book and immediately started to miss it, if that makes any sense -- to miss the characters I'd come to know, to wonder about the plot and whether I'd overlooked anything in the set-up." -Sars, TomatoNation.com

"And grown-ups don't haul a sleeping bag out into the backyard for the night, either, and lie on their backs staring at the stars and scare each other by pretending to see bats in the trees. Why don't we do that? Why don't we make a stack of cheese sandwiches and haul an air mattress up on the roof? Sure, it's harder to manage when you live in an apartment, but it's not impossible. That's why God invented fire escapes. And if you have a yard, you have no excuse. Get a tarp and a sleeve of Oreos and get your butt outside. Bring your sweetheart. Bring your dog. Dogs love that shit. They get to feel important, like you need them to defend you. They get to growl. Come on -- backyard campouts rule. I hate the outdoors, and I still like backyard campouts; I think it's the proximity of the fridge. And the bathroom. "-Sars, TomatoNation.com

I had a lot of sex dreams last night, the kind where you cant tell which of two or three people your partener is, where you're in the backroom of a strange store thats relly backstage at your grammer school auditorium and some dude and you are gonna go through the secret entrance then they tell you its not there anymore you take the long route through a building thats open on one side (bc they're tearing down the high hat lounge yesterday) and you give oral sex to lots of people or maybe just one but its very messy and then you FINALLY get to go have sex with your bf and your parents show up and you are in a robe and you had just looked at the clock its 4 somehting in the afternoon there is NO excuse for not being up and your mom says "I know it seems kind of weird that we're here...."

And you decide the torture is over, you dont want to know why it was weird so you wake up.

Letting people know you're ready to start dating again is a simple proposition that can be accomplished in as

subtle or brazen a manner as you choose. Anything from a slightly bolder shade of lipstick to a billboard on 42nd Street will do the trick, communications-wise. And me, I always favor the straightforward declarative sentence, delivered within earshot of anyone you think ought to hear it: "I'm ready to start dating again."

The hard part comes in that sentence of yours that ends "without seeming sad

and desperate." A lifetime could be spent enumerating the ways in which this

tragic and yet ordinary wish stands in the way of happiness: The man who

starves to death because he won't admit he�s hungry is not far, in principle,

from the woman who never dates because she won't admit she doesn't already

have a date.

There is something liberating about standing up proudly and declaring your wants: I want a sandwich, dammit! Feed me! Why is it so liberating? Because it defines the problem. By defining the problem, you separate yourself from it:

You are not a pathetic and worthless person absorbed and controlled by this

one problem; instead, you are a practical adult woman, possessed of all the attributes enumerated above, who is simply setting about to acquire something

the absence of which is felt acutely in your life. Besides, stating the problem is the crucial but oft overlooked first step without which there can be no problem solving. It also invokes the power of utterance, of breaking silence. By declaring it openly you vaporize the shame. It just feels good to stand up and

say, "I don�t care what you say, I want a date!"- Salon.com sex

Of course you're not a lost cause. Nobody who's 21 is a lost cause. One of the

hardest things to do when you're 21 is to realize what a long drive you've got

ahead of you. I remember thinking at the age of 19 that if I hadn't published a

novel by the time I was 21 I'd be washed up. I had no idea how long the drive

was. I'm still driving. So settle in, put some tunes in, be careful of hitchhikers and just drive. -Salon.com sex

After Nietzsche:

Supposing Truth to be a woman--then she

must be the hottest babe ever, cuz all these geniuses throughout history can't stop talking about her. Truth this, truth that. The end all be all mother of all abstractions. And the rest of us are what, shacking up with Gossip and Bullshit, the Skanks of Babylon? Hell, at least they know how to have a good time. Truth is so high maintenance. Her standards are so high. And she always gotta be right. On top of all that she plays hard to get. She oughtta lighten up, ya know? Be more like her sister, Dare. Now she knows how to party! But who knows, maybe deep down even the pristine Truth has a wild side. Maybe had a lesbian threeway with Karma and Felicity... Dropped some acid back in

her experimental college days... Or got

caught exposing herself in "Truth Gone

Wild" video... Whatever the case may be,

you know it's gotta be stranger than fiction. - T A T S U Y A I S H I D A

www.sinfest.net

i want to say a lot of things to a few people.

Instead, just try and enjoy New jersey.

Its like oregon or washington state, with pollution and too many people.

and I was going to quote Spider robinsons many words on the wonders of key west for deb but I just realized I left the book at bryans. which means more then any stupid toothbrush. I CARE about my books.

I had a conversation with my mom last night about class rings.

They are mighty expensive and I am not really ring person because i have big fingers,

plus 260-600 dollars um no. So i said I was thinking of cashing out one of my savings bonds,

a smalish one, and sponsering a horse or something like that.

and diane said I should give the money to a better cause, like her. But really she was kidding i Hope because If I could I would save lots of horses because they need someone to and why wear 300 dollars on your hand when you can do something really really good?

-bsg-

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