2003-01-10 - 5:50 p.m.

Monday's child is fair of face,

Tuesday's child is full of grace,

Wednesday's child is full of woe,

Thursday's child has far to go,

Friday's child is loving and giving,

Saturday's child works hard for a living,

But the child that is born on the Sabbath day

Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.

That would be me, Thursday the 28th of May.

bsg, you're a Critic!

You are a Critic which means you are a Thinker / Success. Your primary sub-type is defined by "Thinker" characteristics and your secondary sub-type is defined by "Success" characteristics.

That means you're complex, thoughtful and never content to skate on the surface. Chances are you veer towards being so analytical and introspective that even positive qualities can seem like faults. The truth is that you have a very perceptive, gentle spirit.

I'm movin' out!

Ladies and gentlemen of the Fellowship of the Ring (and it's supporting cast).

Wear Sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by wizards, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Do not enjoy the power and beauty of the ring. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of the ring until you've faded completely into its madness. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at parchments of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how dangerous this quest really was. You are not as clever as you imagine.

Worry about the future. Or don't worry, but know that not worrying is as effective as trying to battle a Balrog on a rickety bridge with nothing but a staff and a silly catch phrase. The real troubles in your life are things that never crossed your worried mind but will cross your path, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday. You will be doing one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. [Looks at Aragon, and then at Arwen]

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy [Looks at Samwise Gamgee].

Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The quest is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old family heirlooms [looks at Frodo].

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know how to finish this quest. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 200 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 4000-year- olds I know still don't. Get plenty of lembas. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone. Mayber you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your eleventy-first wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody's else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Dont' be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own [looks at Legolas].

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your shire.

Read the inscriptions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read massive message board threads. They will only make you feel stupid and untalented.

Get to know your party members. You never know when they'll be gone for good [Looks and Boromir]. Be nice to your haflings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future [looks at Merry and Pippin].

Understand that allies come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were fighting the fight of good versus evil.

Live in Mordor once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in the Shire once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths. Princes will not accept their future. Wizards will go bad. You, too will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, princes were responsible, wizards were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders [looks at Elrond].

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trustworthy friend. Maybe you'll have a weasly guide. But you never know when either one might run off with your ringfinger.

Don't mess too much with your feet hair or by the time you're 40 it will Look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

- Reuel

-bsg-

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