2001-02-23 - 01:10:49

bsg (7:59 PM): i would really aprreciate it if yo udidnt give my screen name out.

bsg (7:59 PM): and i thought you hadnt read the diary>

bsg (7:59 PM): ?

craig/yamahawk (7:59 PM): i didn't.......but my friends told me what they said

bsg (7:59 PM): sure.

craig/yamahawk (8:01 PM): oh, yea......they told me some very interesting parts of the entries

bsg (8:01 PM): good for you. keep denying the truth. just keep giving me evidence to print out and show to the authorities.

craig/yamahawk (8:02 PM): ......whatever..................i have better things to do..........good-bye, and good riddens

Riddence! its riddence!!!!!!!!!

when he realizes he really IS digging his hole deeper he runs like the scared bunny he is. hope you read this- i never tried to hide it and i never lied- i cant wait to see what they do to you. no more fear.

I really don't need this right now. i just foud out my grandmother needs open heart surgery. for a crimp in her heart valve. this is the grandmother i went to europe with, who i went to california with, who when i was really sick in 6th grade my aunt brought me there and shelet me sleep there till my mom could come. this is my grandmother who taught me to make matzahbrah. she helped buy harvey, lets me do crosswords with her and my mom, who knows more about art and the world then i ever will. This is my grandmother who is very distanced from the world and her family emotionally. this is my grandmother who is legally blind but when i was little told me she could see if i made faces. this is my grandmother who danced, who sculpts. this is a very very almost too strong woman. this is the grandmother who went to college. this is the grandmother who made my mother the good woman she is by both example AND counter example. she isnt perfect but she didnt claim to be.

Open heart surgery is SCARY. but if she doesnt have it she could have blackouts, a heart attack or just...fade away. is how my mother explained it. what is really scary is that she called my uncle in north carolina and when he asked how her docter's appointment had been; she told him she "got a clean bill of health." Is she in denial? She's isnt confused, maybe she just doesnt want to admit it, or share it. I dont know. I thought family was supposed to be the poeple you turn to at times like this. But she's never connected with anyone just becuase they were family. but maybe thats why we all like her so much- we're nopt sure if she likes us- we're pretty sure she loves us, becuase she should- and we're all trying so hard to get her to like us to becuase she is such an interesting person we want to be liked by.

i don't know.

-bsg-

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