powered by SignMyGuestbook.com
2001-06-04 - 8:59 p.m.
This is cool but there's a joke at the bottom of the entry.
Head 102: The Art of Cunnilingus How to Think Outside the Box Editor's note: If the world is your oyster, how do you eat it? That's what we asked you last week, and you certainly told us. We compiled our favorite tips into the Nerve Guide to Going Down on Her, as told to us by you (see footnotes for credits). Boys and girls, the basics are below: Learn them, live them, love them! And tune in next week for the Advanced Tips. In case you missed it, check out our entry from two weeks ago on the art of the blowjob. BEFORE YOU "HEAD" ANYWHERE First rule of cunnilingus: There ain't no rules! Those headlines on the cover of Cosmo are bullshit. There's no magic formula. Everyone is different and everyone likes different things. Some vaginas like a good mashing and a little teeth action, others like a light touch. Some like direct tongue-clit contact, some like the tongue to sneak around the clit. [1] You have to be sensitive to your partner, but not in the soft, man-who-isn't-afraid-to-cry way. Anyone who aspires to be a great lover has to figure out what their lover likes and doesn't like, by gently pushing the envelope and pulling back if there is a negative reaction. [2] Be observant: her breathing and movements will tell you what she likes. If you happen to do something she doesn't like, she will forgive you instantly if she can feel you are sincere in your efforts to satisfy her instead of yourself. [3] And remember, the clit has mood swings, too. What works one day may be too irritating or too gentle another day. It's therefore important to be tuned into your partner's verbal and physical cues rather than following a set formula. [4] Cunnilingus should be one of the first orders of business (so long as both parties are up, uh, down for it). Don't wait to be told to "take the A train" downtown. Besides, with hetero couples, it eliminates all of the usual double standard bullshit about women having to go down on men but the latter having an option about it. Everyone plays, or no one plays. [5] GETTING GOING You cannot just start with your face between her legs. Really. [6] The areas you think you should touch first are the very last things you mess with, and it should take much longer than you think to get there. Areas fun to touch while teasing include damn near every place there's skin, but especially parts that don't usually get touched by other people: insides of the thighs, between the belly button and the pubic bone, the taint, back of the knee, underneath the butt, et cetera (in no particular order). Start with soft touches and gradually increase pressure. What you're going for is suspense, not boredom, so mix it up a lot. [7] Tease. Nibble a little on the hips and then follow the curve of the pelvis with your tongue. Be careful not to let the tongue come into contact with her clit at all. [8] Run your tongue all up and down the grooves of her labia, exhale slowly and warmly on her pussy, [Ed: Do not � repeat, do not � blow into her vagina. It's dangerous.] swirl your way around her hole, and wait till she's squirming to move in for your main objective. [9] ASSUMING THE POSITION Having your partner squat over your head, balancing with her arms using the headboard of the bed and gently lowering herself onto your mouth is pleasurable for you both. It's nice because it begins playfully, and allows her to adjust the pressure to her labia and clit. Some women may prefer to lie back and relax, however. [6] Prop her buttocks up to allow for better angles for exploration. [4] Reaching for a pillow or two to place under her ass or stomach signals that you want her to be comfortable, that this is her moment and that you intend to stay down there for as long as it takes. [7] For more freedom of movement, move onto your knees by her side and use your mouth on her clit with one hand on her mons and one or two fingers from the other hand inserted into her, moving everything in concert. [2] APPROACHING THE CLITORIS If you don't know what the clitoris looks like, you shouldn't be down there. Go read Our Bodies, Ourselves. [10] Put your tongue on her taint and sloooowly move up, pausing to dart your tongue inside for a moment, and then place one hand on her mound and push up a bit to help pop her clit out. [9] Only the very tip of your tongue should come into contact with her clit at first. You may not even want to move it, just let it sit there touching ever so softly. Slowly start to move her clit side to side, trying very hard to not push any harder and to not lose contact between the tongue and clit. This can go on for a little while. [8] Then, take it in your mouth and gently wind your tongue around it in a circular motion. You can actually feel it getting engorged in your mouth, and at this point you should not be teasing: continue paying almost complete attention to the clit, with an occasional big lick up and down the whole length of the labia. [10] Suction is nice, but don't do your impression of a Hoover vacuum cleaner. [6] Let her guide your head, get feedback from her if you're doing the right thing. If she's lying still after three to four minutes and is unresponsive, perhaps you need to change your angle, position or strength of your tongue's pressure. [10] But wait! The show don't stop here. You can always insert a thumb or a finger or two into the vagina for extra stimulation (most women like this). For extra fun, inserting a well-manicured finger in her anus (which is surrounded by tons of nerve endings) will drive her nuts, too. Of course, make sure she's into that kind of thing, and whatever you do, do not insert fingers that have visited the poop chute into her vagina. Lots of bacteria reside there � it could terminate any sexual fun for weeks to come. [12] ATTITUDE Enjoy it. [13] If you perform oral sex with hesitation, it's not going to please. Go at it like it was a, ahem, pie-eating contest. [14] It's not a damn chore, like taking the trash out. If you're there only because you were forced to be there, you don't belong. [5] Don't take yourself (or what you're doing) too seriously. You're not studying Milton or Pope: you're giving her joy. So play. [10] Worship the vulva. Get your whole face in on the act, make a mess. Everyone wants to see someone loving their genitals. Make your partner feel like there is no place you'd rather be. On the other end of the spectrum, do not ever, under any circumstances, gag or choke. You may lose your cunnilingual privileges for good. [11] TO ALPHABETIZE OR NOT TO ALPHABETIZE? Whatever you do, do not start licking the alphabet or follow any other stupid similar advice you might have read somewhere. Don't even start to think of anything else than what you're doing � she will feel that and ask you to stop or otherwise feel pressured to speed up the process (i.e. fake her orgasm). [3] [Ed: On the other hand . . . ]The alphabet trick is clich�, but that doesn't mean it doesn't work. [14] [Ed: And again . . . ]For labial stimulation, try slowly spelling the alphabet with your tongue, varying the size and pressure on different letters. The small letter "i" (start at the bottom, and end with a little clit-tickling dot) is popular. A nice slow capital "M" is also a favorite. [11] [Ed: No, really . . . ]Write the alphabet with the tip of your tongue on your partner's clit, one letter at a time, of course. If you have trouble forming perfect letters because that little button is all slick and slippery, so much the better. It's the unexpected twists and turns of the tongue that do the trick. [1] SLOW & STEADY WINS THE RACE Take your time. The clit is not a target. [15] If she starts acting like you're doing it right, it's not necessarily a cue to speed up. [7] It takes most women anywhere between ten and thirty minutes to reach peak arousal state. [12] However, you don't mind, because you love to do this. [3] Don't quit, and don't consider this foreplay to getting your penis up in her. [Ed: That is, if you have a penis.] It's not a step along a continuum: your goal at this point should be to make her lose control and have an orgasm. Or several. [10] Pay attention to her once you get in a groove, and as she approaches climax, don't break up the tempo, or she could be completely thrown off and need a break. [6] Be methodical and diligent, do not be spastic and quick. Paraphrasing John Gielgud, good love, like wine, takes time. Don't give up if things don't go your way. It's a work in progress. [10] THE FINAL STRETCH Unless she really wants you to keep going, pay attention to when she's coming and ease up a little with any pressure directly on her clit � don't stop though! Just keep in mind that for most women, their clit gets very sensitive at the moment of orgasm, and it can be almost painful to keep up any heavy friction or pressure. [9] So again, don't abandon the clit when the woman starts to come but don't keep licking either. Rather, hold it gently, quietly in your mouth until the shuddering stops. [4] And at this point, if she's pressing your face so hard against her pussy that you can't breathe � then don't breathe. [3] Intercourse might seem natural after all this, but why not give her some time to bask in the afterglow? She'll appreciate it and you can relax, too, readying yourself for the next round. [12] And remember, the next time you go down on her your goal isn't to speed up this process, but to increase the size of the wet spot. [3] Beating around the bush, Em & Lo
http://www.jokecenter.com/jokes/Sex/7825.htm Why Doesn't It Taste Sweet? (X) Joke Submitted By: Anonymous In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked, "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in male semen?" "That's correct", responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class . . . and never returned. However, as she was going out the door, the professor, absoultely straight-faced, answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat."
-bsg- prior mistakes future mistakes
The past 12 months
18 months past
24 months past
36 months past
48 months past