My DiaryLand Diary

2002-09-23 - 2:10 p.m.

issues. sicker.

the antibiotics are just making me feel worse.

I cried all weekend when I wasnt working.

I cleaned my room . (Sure sign of the apocolypse)

I must have been kidding myself when I thought I could just make rash declarations of what I NEED and not have an impact. a hurtful impact.

I know I suck and that makes it hurt more.

To me; he went away while I was tired and sick. To me; I had to do that alone.

But then I went and said something

because I have a big mouth

too big

too fat

too ugly

too insecure to trust

too mean

too weak

too scared

Everytime I think I want something I end up guilty and in more pain then when I started,

I dont want anything won at those costs.

I don't want to be a person who hurts others. Not even by mistake. and if it means I am alone, so be it.

More later, Maybe. If I dont do somehting dumb.

-bsg-